What up man? How are things out there in Cleveland? They been rough for me man, I don’t mind tellin y’all. I’m so damn grateful that I have someone to talk to. My girl up and left me last week. You believe that shit? I mean damn what a year. My momma dies, my bro in a coma because of some middle-eastern crazy and then up outta the blue, she just ghosts me. I wake up one day and she just gone. Somehow she packed all her crap up and got out the door before I even noticed. How could someone be so cold like that? I give the best years of my life and she just up and disappears! Anyway. How are you and Charnelle? Haven’t seen you talk about her in a while on Facebook. You still into all that fantasy shit? I member back in high school, you hung out with them dweeby kids. Always thought you were cool, man, don’t know why you killed your reputation by hanging with those kids. Anyway. I guess the reason I asked was I’ve been into something a little weird and I figger you’d probably be the best person to ask because of all the nerdy D&D stuff you used to do. Anyway. Hit me back man. Peace.
I have to say, I’m a little surprised to hear from you. I was shocked to see you send me a friend request on Instagram, but then seeing your DM asking for my email? I thought you hated me in high school. I mean, I wasn’t super thrilled about you either, but you really went out of your way to torment some of my really close friends. Was that email supposed to be an apology? I would really hope so.
Yes. I still play D&D. Although it goes far beyond that game. We have all kinds of games we play now. Yes, I still play with those “dweebs”, Mark, Winston, Steve, and Clinton. And yes, if you continue to make fun of them I will block your email and everything you have on social media. Your girl won’t be the only one to ghost you. Please ask what you want and don’t play act like we’re friends.
Sorry if that was harsh. How’s Cincinnati?
Pretty harsh man. I mean that was high school; what like three years ago? People change. Damn. I won’t make fun of any of your stupid dweeby things anymore. Anyway. Cincy’s pretty strange. It’s not much different from High School in Columbus. I liked working at the mechanic’s shop. The owner was dope. Dude never really cared what I did. Then his damn son in law took over. Dude’s blacker than night, and just has that fake smile ya know? Swear he only fired me because he wanted to bring his damn rap friends around. Anyway. I know. I kinda popped up outta nowhere, huh? I was just thinking back on old times, ya know? Thinking ‘bout how I never really reached out to you when I probably should’ve. You’re a really smart dude. Which is a damn stupid thing to be, by the way. Anyway. You’re smart, and you read a lot, and you play those games. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard you talk about fighting things like ghosts and vampires and stuff. And Zombies. You guys fought zombies. Anyway. You know about that stuff?
Gee, I wonder why your girl left you. Not like you spout out that hate stuff. Yes, we‘ve had campaigns against undead. I’m surprised you know about “dweeby” stuff like that. And I have to say, the fact that you think being smart is not good, is frankly…well I guess it makes sense. So what brought this on? Why are you reaching out? What do you want?
Dude. That was harsh. I’m just talkin’ here. Why you so aggro? Anyway. I wanted to run something by you. I was thinking about how when we were freshman, you let me copy off your test in math class. We was a damn good team dude. We crushed that year bro, we worked so good as a team! I got something to make us a team again! Like, that really good team we were! Hit me up.
You told me you would beat me up if I didn’t give you the test answers. We weren’t a team. You were a bully and I was the bullied. Sorry for being harsh, but come on man, you have to realize this. And I don’t need to hit you up, man, we’ve been emailing for days now. What. Do. You. Want?
Ah it’s all good man. Like I said we were in high school. People change. Anyway. I got this…story. It’s a weird one dude. Serious crazy, but it sounded like the crazy in one of your games you nerds play, so I figger I’d ask you to listen to it and give me some pointers. Nothin big. Lemme know.
I think I immediately regret this. But. I’ll listen to your story. Before I do, though, I need to set some ground rules, man. No more disparaging remarks about my friends and me. No more racist crap. No more foul language. If you think you can follow this then … go ahead. I know this is against my better nature, but I have to say that I’m kind of curious to see what you’ve come up with.
You made the right call, bro. I mean, I wasn’t bein that bad. But I feel you on the swear words. I know I’m…crappy at that. See what I did there! Anyway. Here’s the story.
I’m a serial killer. I wasn’t always that way, but then disease hit the land and I don’t have a choice. I kill zombies. I hunt those fools down and kill they ass. The disease hit America hard. The politicians caused it. They lied they ass off so well, that the disease was able to take everything over.
It started slow. Just a dude seeing something strange in a dark alley, or a zombie poppin’ up in the park and people go out and kill it. Sure everyone knew ‘bout the disease, but the point was that you kept your distance from it. If it came near you? You smashed that zombie fool head in. Everyone knows, you get bitten by a zombie, you become one. Swear to Christ, some of them crazy people actually wanted that zombie lovin’. Goin’ out, hanging with their zombie bitch. But you know damn well what happens when someone gets bitten by the zombie disease. They become a zombie themselves.
I ‘member the first time I saw a zombie. I swear they was nothing scarier than that first night. The night of my first kill.
I was changing some transmission fluid on a cherry Chevy Charger. My head was stuck up under the damn chassis. I heard the thing shuffle in. You see that’s what they do. They don’t walk, no sir, they shuffle. I heard ‘em shuffle in, but I couldn’t believe that one had the balls to come into my shop. Then I felt its hand on my foot. It was pullin’ me out from under the car. I freaked the fuck out! It was so ugly, so rotten, so smelly. Just ugly lookin’ you know? I freaked. I was so scared I’d get some of its slobber on me, then it would only be a matter of time before I fell in with their crowd. I grabbed a tire iron. I turned and gave everything I had into that damn iron. The first strike knocked the beast over. I don’t think that ugly light was out of its unholy eyes till the third or fourth blow. I hid the body. I mean I had to. I couldn’t call the attention of the other zombies.
Wow! You leave it like that? You don’t follow that up with anything? Dang man. It’s a pretty intense story. I mean you have some huge flaws in your writing style, but creativity wise…you’ve taken a really out of date trope and…copied it. BUT, you have me wondering what comes next. So what comes next?
I tried to go on like normal, you feel me? I mean I knew those things were out there. I knew they were invadin’ the neighborhood. That’s actually what scared me the most. Those…things…coming into my life and changing things to the point where nothing else could be the same. Dicks, making me change to have to deal with them.
At first it wasn’t a big deal. They be around, but you just kinda ignore them, ya know? Then people I knew started to turn. I ‘member being at a bar and talking to this bro I’d shared beers with. He heard me talking ‘bout them creatures, and I could see how he looked at me. Like I fucking stank or something. I mean damn really? They were zombies! What’s wrong with these fools? Later, I saw that dude talking to the zombies. He walked up to ‘em and they talked for a while, but after that day, I never saw that dude again. Stupid people. You can’t hang with zombies and not be infected. Anyway.
Two weeks later I was leaving that bar. I just wanted to have a drink or three and get outta there before the zombies started in. They tended to come around after dark. No surprise there. Anyway. I left the bar and there was a zombie out there. I could tell by the shuffle. It was just dark. The sky was gray, the sun had just gone down and the street lights were lit. They was a zombie in the alley behind the bar.
Usually you can walk right by ‘em. You know, just put your head down and hurry by. They usually let you go. Not this one though. It held out its arm to stop me. I panicked. I knew it was gunna try and turn me. Make me one of … them. I jumped back and grabbed a bottle off the ground. My quick movements seemed to surprise it, but nothing surprised it more that the bottle over its undead head. Then I slammed that bottle home. Right in the neck. I worked that thing. I’m not proud of it. Oh what the fuck, I’m damn proud. It scared me. It was nasty. But eventually that damn zombie finally died. I hid the body in the dumpster back there, then started a fire.
Well, like I said before you need to work on your writing voice. But, for sure, bringing in real events like that will make the story come to life a little more. That dumpster fire was brutal man. I think like three people died at that club. When the fire hit the club people panicked and I think one of the people died because they got trampled. That might be something that you want to talk about a little in the story. The repercussions of the story. The ancillary deaths and injuries. The mental response from people.
Yikes! I almost said anyway. God I can hear you voice when I read your story. Keep it going. The reality is a bit disturbing, but I guess it’s a horror story, so it should be disturbing.
Ancillary? I looked that shit up and I still don’t get it. Anyway. Cool. Glad it makes sense, ‘cause you know, you’re a nerd and you know these things.
I went home that night and thought ‘bout what happened. I thought I was gunna feel weird about it. You know, killing those zombies? I thought maybe I didn’t feel bad after killin’ the zombie in the garage ‘cause of shock, ya know? But the more I thought about it, I was like, well yeah. Its zombies. I mean come on. Some people might not want to get their hands dirty, but deep down, everyone wants to kill those zombies.
So I sat at home and figured out a plan. I’d be really careful. I’d pick one off at a time. Then I’d throw them in the incinerator at the paper factory. You know, thin out the herd and make it safer for everyone else. Bring back some safety to the neighborhood.
So I started. I’d sneak around at night and pick off one or two. I’d bash ‘em in the head and take ‘em down, then cut off the head of those terrible stinking creatures. I thought I was doing a great thing. I thought I was doing the right thing. But they just kept coming. Once I really got started I noticed that there seemed to be more than ever. They were everywhere. They were taking over the neighborhood. Damn man, they had already taken over the neighborhood.
I gotta admit. I got kinda scared. I stayed in my house more and more. I’d only go out if I had to go to work or to get food. But everywhere I went they was there. I made sure that I kept my distance from them. I made sure that I never came into contact with those creatures. But other people didn’t seem to care. They’d just join in with that zombie crowd. I knew it was because they’d been infected themselves. I knew they hadn’t turned yet, but damn you could see they felt the effects. I mean why’d they even get close enough to touch a zombie if they didn’t? I had to get more serious. I had to stop fools from getting’ too close to those shuffling things. I knew that meant I had to take down some actual people. Ya know. Like preventative. So I did.
Damn man, this is really creepy. Kinda hitting close to home. You might want to be a little careful with this since there have been some disappearances lately. You don’t want the police or anyone thinking that you might have something to do with these disappearances. Tell me you don’t have anything to do with those man, and I’ll believe you. It would make me feel a hell of a lot better if I knew that you weren’t out there kidnapping people. If I knew you weren’t…killing people. I mean I never really liked you that much, but that’s next level.
I know you’re kind of a dick, but I don’t think you could actually kill anyone. Again, just tell me its true man and I’ll believe it. You never seemed to be someone that would do something like this. I even asked around to some of your friends. It made me make Facebook friends with them, which I’m not thrilled about, but they seemed cordial enough. They did say that you had become a little more reclusive, but also that you were just your normal self when you were around them. You’re freaking me out a bit man. Tell me what’s going on.
Yeah no worries bro. I mean the story is about a serial killer, but I’m not a killer. I’m a mechanic, bro, not a killer. Anyway.
After taking a few of them down, I noticed the issue got a little better. People stayed away from the places that I focused on. Less fools seemed to be turning into zombies. I mean, everything seemed to be going fire. I only saw zombies here and there. So I go out and I got a couple of guns. I got a machete. I even got a damn bow. I wanna make sure I could protect myself in case they started coming back round. Bro, it made me feel better. I even named my Glock Betsy. She slept beside me. Actually she still sleeps beside me. Right there on the other pillow.
Then one day a zombie came knocking on the door. Just damn brazen. Came right up and knocked. I couldn’t believe it. I grabbed my machete, ‘cause I always have it in the umbrella stand next to the door. I opened the door a crack and that zombie stood there looking at me. I grabbed it by the shirt it was wearing and threw it onto onto my hardwood floor. I kicked the door shut and brought the machete down on the creature. It cut like butter. That fool zombie moaned a bit, as only a zombie can, but then it died.
I buried it in my back yard. I couldn’t believe that stupid ass thing came right up to my door! I realized I didn’t protect myself enough against these things. So I boarded up my house. I nailed boards on the windows. I put multiple deadbolts on the doors. I boarded up my back door and the side door. I kept wood next to the front door, so in an emergency I could board that up. I loaded up the basement with C4. I mean I wasn’t gunna let those things win, ya know? There was no way I was gunna let them change me. Anyway.
Nothing happened for a while. The zombies seemed to get the idea. Then I made the mistake of turning on the TV. The zombies were everywhere, bro. Fucking everywhere. Then there was a news story about zombies gathering at the mall. I thought…damn. This is my chance. I can get rid of them all at once! It’ll be fire! People’d talk about it for ages. I had to take down that mall while they were doing their thing. Obviously any real people there would be…what do you call it? Forfeit? You mess with those creatures, you become those creatures.
I went by your house and it’s boarded up. I looked up the event at the Mall this weekend. It’s an NAACP rally. I’ve called the cops. I’m sorry if you were just screwing around. But this is too serious.
Local News Tonight
In other news, on this Friday March 30th, a homebrew terrorist attack was thwarted. The police arrested Travis Nelson of Cincinnatti, Ohio on suspicion of terrorist attacks and allegedly, multiple counts of murder. Apparently a source which is being help anonymously by the police turned in several emails detailing the story, and upon inspection, all the details were corroborated. Nelson apparently was planning a bombing at the NAACP rally at Century Mall…